Friday, October 05, 2007

Let The Tears Fall.

I knew it was coming. It was just a matter of time. The dreaded words telling us that our bundle of joy is going home soon. I try to be strong but I feel as though I am falling apart piece by piece. I keep reminding my self that at least we had 5 months with him. Look at all the love and attention he received from us. We kept him safe. He has heard the word of the Lord and I know the Holy Spirit will work through that. But secretly in the back of my mind I had hoped he would be mine forever. I always seem to do that. But this time it was different. He was a baby. I have longed for a baby of my own for so long and the Lord finally delivered one. Even if it was for a short time. Since he has been in our home we have watched him do many firsts. He started crawling, eating solid foods by him self, talking (a little) and now he is on the verge of walking. I wish I could share pictures with you but it is not safe. I once had a friend ask me if it made me mad. I said what? He replied well you spend so much time and energy teaching these children many things like talking, walking and possibly potty training. Then they are gone and you don't get to see who they grow up to be. I replied that it doesn't make me mad but rather sad. Sad that I won't get to watch him grow and learn new things, sad that he may never hear of Jesus again when he goes home, sad for my family who will miss him greatly and sad for my parents who give their hearts to these children and treat them like their own grand children. But then I think of their own families who have made poor choices but are really trying to get their lives in order. They followed all the rules and miss their babies. My heart goes out to them and the tears that they have shed. I know if it were me I would want my baby back. So sadly but willingly I will let him go with lots of love and tears. God has called me into this position of foster mom. He will never give me anything I can not handle. I know that during the following weeks while I am crushed and my house becomes terribly quiet God will be carrying me untill I can stand on my own again. The children in my classroom asked me why I was crying the other day and I told them. One of the little boys who has a big heart said " Mrs. Sutton is happy and sad at the same time." He also told his mom that I cry because God has given me a soft heart. This is true and I am asking for all of your prayers as in the coming weeks I will be saying good by and picking up the pieces he has left behind.

2 comments:

Nana Porcupine said...

When we pray "Thy will be done" we know that His good and gracious will is for the best. God's plan is always good. In Ps 30 it say's " weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning"
We share in your sadness and remember all of you and his family in our prayers!

sunnychick104 said...

I am currently very into TobyMac's song, "Made to Love". It goes, "I was made to love You..."
You were made to love Him, and to love these children until they get to go home. Trust in the Lord and know that He will carry you through (Psalm 121:3)
I am blessed by the ways in which you accept God's calling in your life, it is very encouraging to those (like me) that are currently struggling with it.